What is it about our emotions that causes us to build up walls around our hearts? We tend to keep people away, even when we truly need someone. We convince ourselves that we’re better off alone to work through it without the help from anyone. It’s so hard to say how we truly feel. Even when you get the courage to speak your mind, something deep inside causes you to hesitate. I know that feeling all too well; “This withered place I’ve seen before” is something that we all have seen in one way or another, and it’s a place we keep in the back of our minds.
“The End of Innocence” was written about someone who felt that they had no other way out of that withered place, and how the act of taking one’s own life truly affects those closest to you. We’ve all been there in one way or another, that lowest point that some people can’t seem to run from.
Watching my youngest sister cope with losing her best friend (practically a sister) to suicide was one of the toughest things to watch. Seeing how she was adjusting to life without her, and maturing much faster than a 13 year old really should. It just didn’t seem fair, but then it clicked.
I wrote the music for “The End of Innocence” when I was in a very dark place in my life, much like I described earlier. I was angry, scared, depressed, and just all around lost. I truly believe that is shown from within the instrumental work of the song. After writing it, I felt a release from all of those emotions. Once this horrible event happened, that feeling came back and I decided to write lyrics that reflected the event in a way.
When I finished the lyrics, I knew I had something special. It just seemed to fit into place with the music. I read it to the oldest of my three sisters, and she instantly was amazed and loved it (and this is a girl who mostly listens to country!) That feeling went away again, almost like the song itself absorbed it. I wanted to make sure we had a song for anyone who was going through something similar. Maybe this song will help them the way that writing it has helped me.
My youngest sister still has moments where she still grieves for her best friend, but seeing her live every day to the fullest for both of them is an amazing sight without a doubt. Remember, if you ever feel like you’re in a hole that you can’t dig out of, or in a prison within your mind, there is always someone who cares deeply about you, someone who will help you even when it seems hopeless. There’s always hope.